Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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