The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
