I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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