Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
