The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
