"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
