It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
