Please, let me fuck your mom
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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