Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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