I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
