drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
