The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
