I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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