I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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