He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
