Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
