I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
