went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
