I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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