Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
