shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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