You made me cry and you don't even care
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
