fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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