i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
