I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
