Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
