Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
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I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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