Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dicks are not precious.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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