She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
