I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
