Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
