it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
