just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
