So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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