like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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