The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
