ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
