the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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