i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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