he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
