you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
