Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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