Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
