Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
