sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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