Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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