I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
