He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
