i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
