It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
