Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
