He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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