The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
