i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
