Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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