What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
