i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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