i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
