Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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