Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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