So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
