i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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