well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
