OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
