was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
