Fine. I'll sleep in my office
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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