Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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